Ava Grace's Closet: Learning through the Process

Friday, September 15, 2017

Learning through the Process

Be warned.
This is a very personal post and one that has been burning inside me for some time.
It may not be what you have come to expect from this little space.
But I am different than I was before.
The softness than once was has somehow hardened - I believe pain can do that to a person.
The realizing that things you once thought were - are not. And will never be.

If you have read this post - you will know where I am at now.
When you decide to leave a marriage, I don't think you realize what the true outcome will eventually be.
I know I did not.
I did not think that a family that I knew for over 20 years would not offer a single ounce of support. Ever. Not a one.
You see, I never even got one single phone call to see how I was/am coping.
And that is ok.
But not to see how I am doing with 3 children in tow?
Unforgiveable.
They forget.
They forget all of the celebrations put together so lovingly.
The early morning conversations following a night of babysitting.
The support when they suffered similiarly.
The struggle of drug abuse and an auntie who stepped in big time and loved on that boy like he was my very own.
They forget.
It makes you question why you did things.
And though I did everything with an open heart - I wonder today if perhaps I should have held back.
Been not as true to myself as I was.

Friends you thought you had?
You may not.
My lifelong friend - one who has been a big part of my life since I was a mere three years old?
She has yet to see me a single time since hearing the news of our separation and pending divorce.
It has been a year and a half.
Is life really that busy?
Or do you truly just not give a shit?
Funny enough. She is a religious person.
I do not understand a religion that does not encourage support. Acceptance. And love.
I'm sorry.
No God would do that.
 And the father of my children?
That is all he has become.
He has thrown words like arrows.
Painful.
And doubts not only everything I say.
But everything I do.
Funny - it was more than good for 18+ years.
Now, apparently, I have become not just a different person.
But a different mother.
I pray for him.
For he knows not what he does.

I encourage you.
Take a good hard look at who is in your life.
Who will be there when the champagne isn't flowing - when you are not running around the kitchen like a mad woman trying to please everyone.
Really look.
Because life can surprise you.
And you might learn - you never really knew them at all.

Rant over.
It's Friday.
Thank God.
xo

Big love to my support system.
You are my six.
M.B.P.V.L.A.

10 comments :

  1. Thank you...I loved reading this...and I feel that I'm not alone.

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  2. Gorgeous! you put into words much of what has been swirling in my head! My heart goes out to you because I am discovering that feeling of being discarded like yesterday's newspaper ... I say make FU@#ing limoncello! We will both rise stronger sista! <3

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  3. Susan - I feel this. My husband is from a family of divorce and I am constantly surprised how "family" treats each other. And how adults act like bratty children. Sending you virtual hugs. Wishing I lived in Toronto still so we could catch up.

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  4. Learning the truth about people you thought you knew can be one of the most difficult life lessons. I am going through the same. Time will heal.

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  5. Dearest Susan,
    Guess we all together could fill a book on this very chapter. There is very little to no gratitude and people are rather selfish and prefer to dump others for their own convenience. But I have let them go; it's them that don't want anything to do with us, so give them freedom.
    It is hard for distancing yourself emotionally but you HAVE to; in order to survive.
    Oh yes, party time, I remember too well how I always had the entire family at my Dutch home. They ate and drank and had a great time and was exhausted for a couple of days; but with love. Once you divorce they leave... So very true! Getting to really know your people is valuable.
    But we have to turn it over to their final Judge, whom they cannot evade for accountability. It gives us peace and we can focus on our own life in a much smaller circle and more True and Trustworthy!
    It will be impossible to ever analyze and/or understand people... So just pray for them and let God have the final say.
    Whatever emotions come our way in life, we always will see so many exit when difficulty arrises... they flee.
    Know that you are not alone and also that you are not the first one, neither the last one that will get treated so harshly for no reason.
    Feel good about the past what you did and gave of yourself. That is a great foundation of good memories and it made you strong. But don't make the mistake again, be skeptical and protect yourself and yours.
    Sending you a big all around hug,
    Mariette

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  6. Oh friend. Hugs, hugs, and more hugs. This must just plain stink. It's funny how quickly people forget all that you've done for them. Remember this...while in now way does this make it right...but hurting people hurt. I always try and keep that in mind. You are so strong. ������

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  8. I have been absent so forgive me. I am so sorry you are going through this and going through it all alone. I feel your pain as I do when I separated years ago felt the same, family and friends just vanished. Today I am stronger for it and in a much better place but dang it hurt. Sending positive vibes your way

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  9. Hello Miss S! It's Michelle , Hadens Mom. It's early morning and while having coffee I thought of you and the times I spent reading your blog ( when I first found you ...maybe 2 or 3 am in the morning ..when Haden was going through a bad sleep cycle) so I thought I would check up on you.
    I'm so so sorry to read about the end of your marriage. If I could just send a virtual hug
    I've been MIA for a couple of years on social media ( as you probably are well aware of 🙃 ) and it was the best thing for me mentally. You write about how you truly know who are your friends when going through a divorce ..well...the same is true when dealing with autism.
    I know the loneliness, rejection and the absolute heartache you feel..I truly do. I too, decided enough..enough of giving of myself...and that's when I decided to get off all social media platforms...I started pulling back...and with this "former" people in your life just have to get used to. You're right when you say " is life really that busy"...because when you love someone you'll MAKE time for them.
    I wish I could take some of your pain away...but know that YOU helped me get through a very difficult period of our "autism" life ( when Haden was receiving treatment in Mississauga) those late nights reading your funny musings on family, fashion and life.
    ..and I just want to say Thank you for extending your heart out to me when you allowed me to blog our life ...thank you for being a great person..because you are�� Michelle ox

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  10. Susan, I'm not sure how I've missed the posts leading up to this one, but am so sorry for the pain you have been enduring. I wish Louisiana wasn't a whole country away from you, but know I will join you in praying for you and the children in the days and months ahead. Sending love.

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I love reading every last one. Thanks so much for stopping by our little blog. xo.

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